Huub Dols, Susteren, Limburg, 13th. of July 1966, car-accident in St. Rambert d´Albon, France
(Susteren, Limburg, Netherlands)
I lost my dad in a car-accident in Southern-France when i was a 2-year old boy. My father was a teacher in languages: French, German and English. He also loved to teach biology and physics. He established a school for secondary education, i´m not sure, but i think it was in 1958. I can´t remember much about him, only that he washed his car and i was crawling around in the car to be able to see him. Also that he took me on his lap, and gave me a free try on his typewriter. I can also remember, when he inspected his car from below. I still miss him deeply, in spite of the fact, that he was only 2 years a part of my life. He meant everything to me, my mother told me.
We wanted to go together (dad, mother, my 2 older sisters and me) to the French Riviera for a summer holiday. The weather in Holland was not very well, so my dad decided to go south, saying to my mother: "I want to enjoy the sun, even if i have to drive to the French Riviera". We had our caravan behind our car and drove south. About 100 km from Lyon, quite near by St.Rambert d´Albon, we got a heavy car-accident with a truck. The French truck-driver, had driven for too many hours, had drunk too much alcohol and had been fallen asleep...! Twisting on the road he hit our car right on the front... OMG !!! (I´m crying again, when i typed this.)
My father was stuck in the car, after the crash, he couldn´t get out of the car. The gas cylinder from the caravan exploded, everything went on fire, our car, the caravan, even the trees beside the road. One big hell of a sea of fire ! My mother was seriously wounded, her foot was almost completely cut off, she almost died by bleeding ! Her foot could be saved, by an operation that lasted 4 hours in the hospital near by. My 2 sisters and me were also deeply traumatized, with broken and bruised bones and wounds.
I had a shock, i didn´t had much physical wounds, but after many years, it turned out that my trauma-related shock caused a split personality, a form of a dissociation identity disorder in combination with a complex post-traumatic stress disorder. My life has been a crisis marathon, i have never been able to build up a good normal life. At the age of 24, i became occupationally disabled, and i had only one time a relationship with a woman that lasted longer 6 months.
I have been a survivor, always balancing with one foot in the grave and one hand trying to grab a piece of life... Now at the age of 50 i´m completely burnt-out, exhausted, decayed, suffering breathlessness and strong pain in my lower back. Trauma-related stress kills my daily life pleasure. My good life is pulverized by the car-accident, i had to survive with a heavy early childhood trauma, after i lost my faith in a good and safe life, surrounded by my good father, mother, and two sisters.
What kept me alive ? What gave me the courage to go on ? Only God and prayers, psalms, the True Guru´s like Sai Baba and Adi Da Samraj, companions who know what it means to live with an early childhood trauma, and the high specialized therapeutic literature about DID and complex PTSD, founded on the knowledge of dr. Pierre Janet.
I wish everyone much strength, comfort, creativity and wisdom, to be able to live with a car-accident trauma. And don´t forget to smile and laugh, if possible ;-)
Hugs, God Bless all of you.