living with what if's.....i was the driver please read

by Melissa M.
(michigan)

I am a mother of 3, and at 30 yrs old had never been in trouble for anything before. well on october 18th,2008 i got a wake up call. that night i had went out with my brother and some long time friends. we all went to a bar that night, as we left i dropped 2 of the boys off, it was me my brother and good friend in the car, my brother wanted to go to his girlfriends house about 10 miles away. i didnt really want to but wanting to be the person that made everyone happy i decided to make a really bad and horrible choice to drive him there. Well we were only about 4 miles from her house when i seen the red and blue lights in the rear view mirror i was so scared, but i deserved to be scared. when he pulled me over he said i was speeding and apparently smelled the alcohol on us. he pulled me out the car where he gave me a few tests, which i failed terribly. then a breathalizer which read a BAC of.22 i started crying and thinking about my kids and the stupid choice i had made and what was going to happen next. they impounded my car, took my brother and my friend to his girlfriends being it was so close. i was taken to jail where i was strip searched and put into a blanket with velcrow cause i was so upset with myself i said i wanted to die. so i was then finger printed and put into a watch room for suicide. there was no mat to lay on or seat, just a hard concrete floor that was filthy, i spent the next day getting sick and throwing up, they came and got me to do some paper work and i was so upset with myself i HATED myself, that the officers who were taking my info had told me to lay off myself, everyone makes mistakes and as long as i learned from it, it was going to be ok, but that it would be a very expensive and long lesson learned. i just cried, still so upset with myself. all i could think about was what if i had killed myself and left my kids motherless over a horrible choice i had made. or what if i had killed my brother or his friend and cut their lives short? and what about all the innocent people who were going about their night and were on the road sober and responsible, what if i had taken one of them away from this earth? a mother?father?brother or sister? someones baby or family member?. its hard to live with myself now, its almost as if i had killed someone or hurt someone, i am SO very thankful to officer stone who pulled me over and probably saved some innocent persons life or mine and my friends and familys life. He was the hero that night and i thank him everyday in my prayers for that. I worry now everyday about someone else hiting me or my family driving drunk, its opened my eyes and ive learned a very important and valuable lesson that night. as i read the stories of families and friends lost to drunk drivers i am ashamed of myself and the choice i made that night, im just thankful that god let me stay here and kept everyone safe. i go on now preaching to others and tryin to get the word out about how important it is NOT TO DRINK AND DRIVE! it could change the lives and effect the familes on both sides. i thank you all for your stories and time reading this i pray the victims families find peace one day, and the ones that think about driving while drinking will make a better choice after reading this and just stay home or call a friend or cab. god bless all the victims and familes effected by drunk drivers!