My sister and best friend, Feb 2011

by Sad Sister

It's only been a little over three months since my younger sister was killed. You have to understand that she meant the world to me. We have always had very different personalities, but we had matching souls. We sat and cried one day because one of our friends lost his sister. We just couldn't imagine making it through this crazy world without each other. Never did I think I would have to try.

We made plans to go out one Saturday night to the local bar. We were excited because we are both mommies and don't get out much! So my boyfriend and I met her and her boyfriend there. All's well, sippin a beer and listening to some karaoke. Her boyfriend decides to leave with a friend to go to some other bar. He was supposed to come back before we left, but he didn't. My boyfriend drove us back to our house (he doesn't drink). I begged her to just spend the night with me, like so many times before, but she was mad that he hadn't come back for her and determined to go home. She called him over and over until he came to pick her up at a little before 2 a.m. He squealed tires out of my driveway, and they were gone.

The next morning her father called me and told me to sit down. He told me that a few minutes after they had left, she was killed. I know they were fighting when he over corrected after going onto the shoulder, spun counterclockwise and hit a pine tree right where she was sitting. She was killed instantly as they were going 80-90 mph. He lived. I kept telling him no, he was wrong, I had just seen her, he was wrong, to stop saying that. He had to be wrong. He just kept telling me that she was dead.

The days following are blurry, it just wouldn't register. Not after listening to our Mom scream with the pain of losing one of her babies, not even after seeing her on that table in the funeral home. None of what was going on made sense. It was all so surreal.

The worst part of it all is that she and the boyfriend have a baby together. He's almost two and still asks for his Mama everyday. All we can say is that his Mama's an angel in heaven now and that she loves him. My mother and I are doing are best to smother him in love, but we can never replace her. She loved him so very much and she was an amazing mother. It breaks my heart that he will grow up without her. She was completely devoted to her son and her family, would do anything for any one of us.

Some days I look into those beautiful eyes his mother gave him and I almost can't take it. I pray to God this gets better, but I don't see an end in sight. I don't look at her pictures anymore because it makes it too real. I'm just lost. I wonder what will happen when it hits home and my heart realizes that she's really gone. I can't call her so she can remind me of how old I am, we will never sing at the top of our lungs together again, no more summers at the pool with the kids. No more anything.

I love you and miss you and I just want you back with me. I need you now more than ever!

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