My son was the drunk driver New Year's Eve

by Debra DeFrain
(League City, Texas)

Our son Loren DeFrain, 28 of League City, Texas died on January 4, 2009 from injuries sustained in a drunk driving accident on New Year's Eve. He was the drunk driver. Loren left a party on New Year's Eve after heavy drinking with friends, he was so intoxicated that he somehow got onto Interstate 45 traveling Northbound in Southbound traffic. He had a head on collision. He was not wearing his seatbelt, so he was ejected through the windshield of his vehicle. The other driver thank God, was not injured. My husband and I were skiing in Taos, New Mexico when we received the phone call from our youngest daughter at 4 in the morning. Our son was in critical condition in Hermann Hospital where he had been life flighted. We got back home as quickly as we could, going to the hospital immediately upon our return to Houston. I was not prepared for what I saw. Our son was on life support with massive head and brain injury. He had multiple fractures to his face and legs and we were told he was not going to survive. We sat at the hospital with him for 3 days until he was finally pronounced brain dead on January 4th and we as his family are left picking up the pieces of our lives. Our children were all educated by us at a young age regarding drinking and driving. As parents we entered into a contract with our kids as teenagers that stated we would come to get them no matter when or where with no questions asked if they had been drinking or if they were with another driver that had been drinking. Over the years we have gotten numerous calls from our kids, and we always fulfilled our side of the contract. Our daughter was home this past New Year's Eve, and she let her brother know to give her a call if he was drinking and needed a ride home. Obviously he never called. The only one we have to be angry with is our son, and right now the only thing we are grateful for is that he did not take anyone with him. And while he was not the innocent in this accident, our grief is no less agonizing. We are still in the "what if" phase of our grief, trying to find a way to "fix" this, but no matter what we come up with as a solution, the end result is the same. The parent's of his friend that were hosting the party knew how intoxicated our son was and allowed him to get in his vehicle and drive. We do not absolve our son of responsibility, he made choices that night that cost him his life and plunged us into this horrific nightmare. But we as collective individuals and as a society do have a responsibility and an obligation to stop drunk drivers!! It is our duty when hosting a party or event to monitor the alcohol consumption of our guests and to ensure that no body is getting into a vehicle impaired. It is our responsibility to do everything we can to prevent the deaths of the innocent as well as the not so innocent by any means necessary, even if that means calling the police to prevent someone from driving while intoxicated. We would much rather have been visiting our son in jail than burying him. And whether it is the drunk driver that dies or more horribly the innocent victims that they hit, it is we, the parents, family and friends who carry the pain for the rest of our lives.

Comments for My son was the drunk driver New Year's Eve

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Aug 07, 2014
Contact me
by: Anonymous

Please contact me going through simular situation ytperales@gmail.com

Jul 10, 2013
To Anonymous
by: Debra DeFrain

I deeply apologize and I am so sorry for your loss. I have not looked at this page in quite some time, I would definitely look forward to speaking with you. 281-687-2523. Again, my deepest sympathies in your loss, please call.

Apr 04, 2013
same story
by: Anonymous

our sons story is exactly the same...New Year's Eve also. This just happened 3 months ago and are so angry. would love to talk...

Aug 02, 2011
Same Boat, waters are choppy
by: Debra DeFrain

Dear Same Boat:
I am sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this situation. We battled drug and alcohol addiction with our son for 12 years. Loren had periods of sobriety, but nothing sustainable. His attendance at AA meeting was hit and miss. As a parent, your just so helpless to do anything about it. They have to want to stop. They have to become sick and tired of being sick and tired. All you can do is to continue to re-iterate to him the fact that he has a drinking problem, enforce the rules within your home, and love him. We tried everything over the years, the bottom line is they themselves need to realize they have a problem and sometimes they run out of time before that actually happens. Our lives have been completely devastated by our son's death, as are the lives of his older brother and younger sister. 2 1/2 years later, it still feels like it happened yesterday. This year, we are just beginning to realize the full impact Loren's death has and will have on us for the rest of our lives. Should you ever want one of us to speak to your son and tell him my son's story, please email me at debra.defrain@c-a-m.com or if you just need to talk to another parent that has been through it. I speak at highschools and AA meetings, relaying our son's story and the impact his drug/alcohol addiction and ultimately his death has had on our lives. Hang in there and don't ever close the door on your son no matter how bad it gets. That doesn't mean tolerate the bad behavior, but you never know when the time will come that he finally reaches out for help and you definitely want the lines of communication to be kept open between you and your son so when the time comes you can offer him the guidance that he needs. I wish you success on this difficult path of addiction and will certainly be thinking about you and your son.
Debra DeFrain

Aug 02, 2011
same boat
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. I too am dealing with a young alcoholic son. I too have called the police to report him driving drunk. This past weekend I finally had to tell him he had to make a choice between alcohol and family. It
's one of the hardest things I've ever done, but, like you said, I would rather visit him in jail than his grave.

Dec 23, 2009
I FEEL YOUR PAIN
by: PAULA OVERSTREET

DEAR DEBRA AND FAMILY, I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LOST OF YOUR SON. THANKS FOR CONTACTING ME DEBRA. I FEEL YOUR PAIN EVERY SECOND OF EVERYDAY BECAUSE I LOST TWO SONS IN LESS THAN 2 YEARS APART BOTH DUE TO ALCOHOL RELATED DEATHS.MY DAUGHTER HAS LOST BOTH BROTHERS, HER BIG BROTHER AND HER TWIN. ALAN THE 16 YEAR OLD WAS ASHLEYS TWIN. OUR FAMILY HAS ALL BEEN IN SUCH A HORRIBLE SHAPE SINCE THIS HAPPENED. IT HAS BEEN 5 YEARS THIS PAST OCTOBER FOR JEREMY. ITS BEEN THREE YEARS LAST JUNE 25TH FOR ALAN. IT DOES FEEL JUST LIKE YESTERDAY THEY WERE HERE,BUT WE ALL KNOW THATS NOT TRUE. EVERYDAY IS A STRUGGLE.SOME DAYS WORSE THAN OTHERS.I HOPE YOUR FAMILY STAYS STRONG AND PULLS TOGETHER FOR THIS. FAMILY IS EVERYTHING. I SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION.MY LIFE AS I KNEW IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. BUT I WILL SAY THIS, MY TWO SONS WANT ME TO GET BETTER. MY TWO SONS WANT THERE MOMA TO BE HAPPY. AND DEBRA YOUR SON WANTS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY TO BE HAPPY. GOD BLESS YOU AND IF YOU EVER NEED A FREIND TO TALK TO, IM HERE .OK. THANKS, PAULA OVERSTREET

Jun 16, 2009
Daniel
by: Debra DeFrain

Hello Daniel:
I am so glad that you posted on this site. I do not have your number and have wanted to talk to you. Loren spoke so highly of you. I have a wrist band for you in honor of Loren as well as a prayer card. Please contact me by phone if you still have our number or send me an email @ jdefrain@comast.net. I would love to hear from you. While Loren is no longer physically with us, he lives on in our memories and in our hearts.

Debra DeFrain

Jun 16, 2009
I lost my best friend.
by: Daniel Costilla

I am writing this comment in memory of my best friend. Loren was more like a brother to me when he passed away and it was the hardest thing I think I ever had to deal with and am still dealing with today. Im in tears just typing this cause i miss him so much. I cant imagine the pain you are going through Mr. and Mrs. Defrain and I am very sorry for your loss from me and my family as they also new Loren and what kind of great person he was and still is. Although his death was such a shock and so painful Loren gave me some of the greatest memories any friend or family member has ever left me. He will always be my closest friend and again give my condolinces to all his family and friends and hope to one day gain the courage to visit Mr. and Mrs. Defrain and one day get closure for this horrible tragedy. Loren, I will never forget you and cant wait to see you in the future. I love you man.

May 29, 2009
from Kelli's mom
by: Pam Taylor

Oh Deb, i am CRUSHED for the loss of your son!

I know how hard it is to be upset for the decisions our kids made that contributed to their death--- all the while missing them SO very much!

I totally agree with you about the people that hosted the 'party' and watched your son drive away. After people drink a certain amount- they are no longer capable of making good choices.

sending much love & big hugs your way-
xoxo Pam, Kelli's mom

PS: thank you so much for the comment :)

www.kellilainelewis.com

Apr 11, 2009
We share tragedies
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry. I could be writing this same story with only a few variables. My son, who was only 24 years old, was at a party drinking when his girlfriend's father handed him the keys to his car and asked him to go get some more beer. I can almost picture my son, not wanting to go, but not wanting to lose whatever macho image that was going on at that moment, so he took the keys, and him and his girlfriend went to the store. He didn't know this area, it was all country roads so when he turned down this country road he didn't realize there was this old wooden bridge, the car's passenger side wheel well got stuck on the wooden bridge abutment and flipped the car over, 15 feet below to the creek. They tell me my son's neck was broken and he died instantly. Thank the Lord for that. The girl didn't have a scratch on her (she was drunk too). I personally think that her father should go to jail.

Mar 06, 2009
I am so sorry for your loss
by: Jo

Dear Family, I am not a person who has ever writen anything on line. I want to say how sorry I am for the loss of your son. How can you go on? I know that is a question never answered. God Bless you. I am so sorry for your. Joanne

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