Tina Bates, Clinton Township MI. 2/23/59-08/06/11

by Brittany Green
(Harrison Township, MI)

my mother and I a few years ago

my mother and I a few years ago

my mother and I a few years ago
her car the night of the accident
her car again

My mother, Tina Bates, was killed by a drunk driver on August 6th 2011 at 8:06pm. The drunk driver crossed two lanes of traffic on Groesbeck Highway and hit my mother head on; she died instantly. My mother was 1 driveway away from her street, with her two small dogs in the car. She was almost home, less than a minute of driving and she would have been home. Her two dogs survived the wreck after being banged up quite a bit. She had just left from visiting my grandmother, whom she was very close with. I was extremely close with my mother, she was my best friend.. my number one person to go to for anything. We had no secrets and no topic was considered "too much". We shared everything. My mother and I talked every day, whether it be over the telephone, in person of via text. That day, we only spoke via text because I had planned on calling her later that evening after a graduation party I was attending, this fact bothered me quite a lot up until recently. The day of the accident will always be the worst day of my entire life. From the moment I got the awful phone call telling me she had been in an accident, my life was never the same. When I arrived to the accident scene, it was like nothing I had ever seen. Her car was terribly mangled to the point where it seemed almost surreal. I could not believe it. It all felt like a terrible awful nightmare. I just wanted to wake up from it. I dont think I have ever seen such a horrific accident.The whole street was closed and blocked off because the accident was so big. Her car was in the far left lane, traveling south bound, and ended up on the far right, on a lawn of a banquet hall. The impact moved her car so far. Her car was barely recognizable. I did not see her at the scene. I did not want to honestly. I couldnt handle it. I just started crying and repeating "thats my moms car" to the police officer over and over again. I had tried speed walking towards her car when I initially arrived at the scene, but a police officer stopped me before I could get near her car. It was considered a crime scene, so no one was allowed near the car or her. I squeezed the police officers hand so hard, because I felt like if I would have let go.. I would have fallen down or died. I just kept repeating myself, and he just kept saying "I know.. theres nothing you can do". There were so many people at the scene just looking, and watching. I got very upset and started to yell at the "gawkers" because they were staring at me as I cried.. staring at my as my world literally fell apart. I just wanted everyone to stop looking at me. I didnt stay at the scene very long. My boyfriend and I, went to my grandmothers house with the rest of my family that had gotten to the scene, such as my aunt and uncle. I walked down the street, and just sat down on the sidewalk away from everyone. I looked up and just could not seem to understand what, or why this happened. My father came and got me, and we all went home. I didnt sleep at all that night. My mind was racing with thoughts of the accident- did she see the other car coming? did she scream? did she feel it? what was her last thought? was she mad at me for not calling her earlier that day?- I tried picturing the accident from her perspective.. it kept me up for days. The day after the accident, I laid in bed all day and cried, vomited and cried. I slept for maybe an hour in the afternoon. I didnt actually have a full nights sleep, for 2 weeks.

My mother was the most kind, giving person I knew. She went out of her way to make everyone else happy. She was loved by her co workers, friends and family. Her candle light vigil was filled with her friends who just spoke about how amazing she was. Her funeral was packed with so many people from her life. People from her past, and present. They had to find more chairs to bring into the funeral room because there were so many people there. She was loved by so many because of all the great things she did for other people. She was always smiling and happy. Her and I always got along, of course we had our occasional fights that every mother and daughter have.. but all in all we were best friends. She was loved by so many people.. so many peoples hearts were broken that day.
It is all so unfair that my mother was killed by someone who was selfish, and immature and decided to drive a car while intoxicated. The woman who killed my mother was the same age as my mother, 52, old enough to know the difference between right and wrong. My life will never be the same. I have such a hard time grasping the concept that I will never be able to speak to my mother ever again.. that I will never be able to see her ever again. Whenever I get excited, or happy over something, the first thing that pops into my head is "I should call my mom", and then I remember that I can not do so, and become deeply depressed. There has been a couple times where I actually started calling my mom with out realizing that she is gone. It hurts me tremendously when I do that. I think about my mom every day, especially when I am driving or doing something that allows me to think freely. I even catch myself saying aloud "I miss my mom". Sometimes, I will get random urges to cry and most of the time I am irritated or angry. I never want to go out with my friends anymore, or do anything really. I just like to sit at home because nothing makes me happy anymore. My mother did everything she could for me my entire life, and for that I am grateful. My mom always made a big deal about my birthday, sweetest day, valentines day, and christmas. Basically any day that she could buy me something, she would always make it big. This year, those holidays will be the hardest with out her. I wont have her around to be excited, and decorate her apartment. She always went all out when it came to Christmas and Halloween. She even decorated for valentines day, St Patricks day and Thanksgiving. It is going to be depressing. It will be hard knowing that I wont get my birthday phone call where she sings to me, or my goofy card that I get every year. No more penguin themed presents. No more I love yous, XOs or lipstick kisses on cards or notes.
My life will never be the same. There will always be a void that, will never get filled.
On August 6th 2011, my world shifted.

Drunk driving ruins lives.


Comments for Tina Bates, Clinton Township MI. 2/23/59-08/06/11

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Sep 14, 2014
Your Godmother
by: Lisa Slater

My dearest Brittany, it is with tremendous pain to read of your moms passing. It has been over twenty years since I have seen you and your mom. She was a great friend with whom I grew close, but our paths went separate ways. You were little, and I had just had my first child, Celia. You had a bunch of those little cubcake dolls that turn inside out! She loved you bunches, and loved buying them for you. I am sorry to have been absent from your life when you needed it the most. It is a tragedy for you to have to bare this loss at such a young age. But your mom did a great job of raising you. Your precious words about your mom are eloquently spoken. Contact me on facebook. I live in Marlette, MI. I would love to c u! xo

Oct 25, 2012
very distant family
by: M.Giganti

I miss her too. I think of the things I should have said or done. Wondering what I would have said..Still remember some things like they were yesterday. I new her well when I was young,and will always be thankful to her..god bless

Oct 25, 2012
all things complicated?
by: Mike Giganti

I miss her too..I think about why I didn't talk to her.. I wish I would have, its crazy I guess. The things you wish you would have done but never do. The things you should have said..

Oct 25, 2011
Lost my mother also.
by: Valerie Love


When i read your story i cried like a baby. Took me right back to the night i lost my mother. We were also close,we talked everyday. I lost alot the day i lost my mother and i miss her every single day. Its hard to concentrate or to even be happy anymore. I understand your pain cause i live it every day. I hope it gets better for you ,,i know it sucks. You are in my prayers and saying that is a stretch for me because for the longest i was angry at god too. God bless you.Be strong and remember what your mom would have wanted you to do.

Oct 16, 2011
the loss of your family
by: Debbie

Im so sorry to hear the way you lost your mother. I just lost my daughter 26 years old on 9-18-11 in car accident she was passenger her boyfriend driving was also killed. we had a relationship much like you and your mother. We were so close so I am hurting so bad. She died instantly they tell me. She had her MBA and so much going for her. I have lost my future . I feel so bad for you also you look so happy with your mom. Be strong in the Lord as will I. He is the giver and taker of life and he loves us , just as he loved your mom and my Stephanie.

Oct 09, 2011
im sorry
by: Anonymous

The thought of somebody close to me dieing in a car crash haunts me everyday. my biggest fear is to wake up and have this all happen to me i cant imagine the pain your going through. i hope that you always remeber all those loving memories at the holidays and on a day to day basis and remember that your mom wants you to be happy. wherever you go she will always be there beside you to help you get through anything you need. Not being able to see that person you love everyday is one of the worst feelings i have ever had. i am very sorry for your loss and i hope that you keep your head up and stay strong through the next few years. it takes a long time before it becomes reality and it really sinks in. i wish the best for your family and you are in my prayers. i hope that woman gets what she deserves and more than that because taking away an innocent persons life due to her stupidity and lack of control is the worst thing anybody could ever do to another person.
Remeber to always smile
your mom loves you and wants to see you happy.

Sep 16, 2011
my big sister
by: thomas bates

Tina was my oldest sister,I never turned her away when she needed me the most.I think that she maid me stronger by helping people that needed it.She was a wonder full women that will b missed.I use to have a few beers and get behind the wheel and drive.But now that I know a women took my sisters life from doing the same thing I use to do I know not to drink at all and get behind that wheel.I pray every night that I will not do that to any one,it is almost to the point I don't even want a drink knowing what it could do to your life or some one else.I will all ways remember my big sister.she maid me my best 50 birthday cake I ever had.tina Godbless your sole and rest in piece and save me some strawberries please.

Sep 15, 2011
Sorry for you loss
by: Teresa carrigan

I am so saddened to hear the pain in your words. It has been nearly 2 years since we lost our mom and i remember thr agony of those first few months. Hang in there and make your mom proud by the way you live. Thank you for sharing your story.

Sep 15, 2011
sorry for your loss and I can empathize
by: Anonymous

Im so sorry for your loss and I can empathize with you. My brother was also killed by a drunk driver 08/20/2009/ He was 34 years old and has 3 kids. He was a great person just like your mother. Such senseless tragedies, done by selfish, reckless, stupid people. The woman who killed my brother was 47, also old enough to know better, luckily she was killed also, as it would be even more heartbreaking if she had lived after killing my brother. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sep 15, 2011
For Brit
by: Dana

Brit, u are still making ur mom proud, u always made her so happy. U have a lot of friends and family. Jay and I will always be here, I know u hear that a lot, but we do love u little one. Anytime u need to talk, call me. I hope that someone somewhere learns something from ur tragedy. Tina would want that. Maybe we can go out for our birthday, if u want to. C u soon, little one, we love u, and our prayers are with u.

Sep 15, 2011
i'm so sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

What you are going through is th worst thing in the world. I'm sorry you have to expeience this tragedy. Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman, and it seems you have taken that part of her with you. I'm not sure how much this will help, but you and your family will remain in my prayers.

Sep 15, 2011
Thank you for sharing.
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your story so that others might know the depths of pain that drunk driving causes. Your bravery says a lot about your mother and how she raised you. You speak eloquently and from the heart. She is, not doubt, very proud of you.

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